If I Could Change

We have the thought sometimes or the question is asked, “if you can change  anything in your past what would it be?” Well I think I’m finally at a position  to answer.

If I could change anything I think I would have to go back to my days of selling weed at woodward academy. I wouldn’t have sold weed which probably would have allowed me not to get kicked out. If I stayed at woodward, then we probably would have won a state basketball title & I would have a championship ring & countless opportunities for basketball. But if I couldn’t change that then I would change my junior year of highschool & I wouldn’t have attempted to catch that pop up during the baseball game against riverdale. I wouldn’t have broken my leg! If I didn’t break my leg then I would have been in the runnings for best basketball player in the state of ga my senior year. I was coming off of a great junior year and colleges were after me hard. But if I couldn’t change that I would have probably stayed in grad school to atleast finish my degree. That’s countless opportunities with that school on my resume. Or if I could change something else, it would definitely be staying at my job in Boston one more year to stack major cheese before moving to ny to act full time! They were offering me a 10k raise & whateva else I wanted to negotiate.

But as I sit here and think about it.. if I changed my drug selling days, I wouldn’t have gotten caught by my dad & I wouldn’t have seen the pain on his face that his son was going down the same path that he went down and almost lost his life for. I wouldn’t have learned how much I hurt dion & dortch that I chose to carry a pistol over our friendship. And if I would have stayed at woodward then I wouldn’t have reconnected and met my new homies from lovejoy. I wouldn’t have my beautiful creation. And while at lovejoy if I didn’t go for that pop up and broken my leg, I will be playing professional basketball somewhere. Which means I wouldn’t have met any of my colorado people, pledged into my great
fraternity, or even gone to norfolk state. So I wouldn’t know orien, the signifance of attending an hbcu or what hard work is. The doctor told me I would never play competitive ball again. My hard work allowed me to fight back and get that scholarship to college. I now know the meaning of “will” and the phrase “never give up”! But let’s say all is true and I did move to boston and stayed in grad school. I wouldn’t have met my cape verdean influence. I would have a degree that I would be doing nothing with. and i definitely wouldnt have had the opportunity to be touched by the many lives at the epiphany school. But what if I did teach at epiphany and i stayed at epiphany for an extra year…I would have missed God’s timing for change. I would have been bought for a price once and able to be bought again. I would have gotten a new car along with the house and would have had to continue to work to pay my bills. But even if I did move to ny after that year of saving money, I wouldn’t know what struggle meant in ny. I wouldn’t appreciate where I am as much because I didn’t have to go thru anything to get here. My relationship with God will be on cruise control cus there were many days that I’ve thrown my hands up and said “God its all you Homey…I aint got no mo fight”. This also would have thrown my timing off of moving to └A and then there would be no “keedar from hell date” or “nino jones from one tree hill”. Me and finesse wouldn’t be as tight as we are. Typpy wouldn’t be my └A homey or co-visionist. I wouldn’t know most of the people in my life that are new and have blessed me.

I guess what I’m saying is that, everything happens for a reason. I’ve had some set backs. I’ve screwed up but I wouldn’t change any of it! I’m thankful that no matter how much I’ve strayed off of God’s path, I’m right where He wants me to be at this time, at this moment!

The grass maybe greener on the other side, but it’s artificial…this is real, this is where I am suppose to be!

…just a glimpse into my life…